I had a realisation last night – around my business that has been happening for awhile. The not so pretty side of “where the fuck is the money?”
I realised that I have BLAMED not making the money that I used to, from my business, on things like my illness and networking and my surgery and my 2nd child.
I used to make 6 figures a year in my graphic and web design business. I had tons of clients and things were pretty good.
Then, due to my Ulcerative Colitis, which was insanely painful and debilitating, I had to be admitted to hospital, many times.
Well, at one point, I took an ambulance in and not long after was a legit CODE BLUE over the hospital speaker system. I’ll never forget that. The entire hospital swarmed my bed, there were so many of them. Blood everywhere.
I even remember telling them my legs were cold and they replied that I had about 4 blankets on.
Like holy shit… this was straight out of the movies I thought to myself…. “I’m so cold” always uttered before death came.
I had to sign a bunch of papers giving them permission to perform life saving surgery NOW or I would surely die. Well, that’s fun. NOT.
I remember the whole thing until I was put under and then I woke up. I woke up with a million tubes coming out of my neck, arm, side, everywhere!
AND….. I had a freakin bag! A bag. YES, a poo bag stuck to my abdomen. uugggghhhhhh.
Anyhoo… long story short – I had to recover for months from that and had 2 more surgeries (no more bag) and more recovery time …. networking stopped.
I think during that time, I came to realise what WAS and WASN’T important to me anymore.
And ‘work’ wasn’t one of them. Well, work that I didn’t absolutely love.
But… what do you do when you go back, keep doing what you know and what has always worked. Right?
Things never really recovered quite the same for my business. But I kept on keeping on, cuz that is who I am. I don’t give up. Fuck no!
Then I got pregnant with my 2nd baby, kept working, and then when it was time to have him, networking stopped… again.
But this time, I couldn’t go back.
Hubby had shift work, I had to take Nina to school every morning (during my networking time) and I had the baby.
Slowly but surely…. it all slowed down in my business.
So I learned more things and tried new avenues… all within my business – but I really didn’t love doing any of it.
And, of course, as to be expected, none of it really took off. I was all over the place. And none of it was ME!
And…. I BLAMED all of that lack of networking, my illness, my 2nd baby…. all of it as the reason I was not as successful as I used to be.
Basically – I just realised – EXCUSES….
Well, excuses for WHAT?
BOOOM! light bulb 💡
Excuses as to why i wasn’t bringing in the cash anymore or steady clients – BECAUSE MY SOUL HATED doing all the shit I was doing and the way I was doing it. I realised that I was missing. My passion was missing.
I only did all the things because they made me money. And we all know, people like us don’t make money doing shit our soul hates to do and dies from little by little day by day.
So obvious, yet so hidden from plain sight.
It’s not the fault of all those OTHER things, it is MY fault.
I create my reality and my thoughts and actions led me there. Nothing else.
But….. they also led me HERE. Which i am insanely grateful and thankful for!
Have YOU ever found yourself (I am pretty sure you have, we all do) blaming a bunch of external shit and circumstances on where you are and what you are doing?
Blaming others for your lack of what you want.
Blaming things for not being where you want to be, doing what you want to do, having what you want to have?
Well, my friend, it’s NOT THEM…. IT’S YOU!
Time to hop off the blame train and take some fucking responsibility for where you are.
It is amazingly freeing and powerful to realise that when it is your responsibility and your actions and your thoughts that got you here!
So… knowing all of that, what you are you going to choose?
What are you going to think about and do and what actions are you going to take – TO CHANGE what you want to be different?
Because, it’s not them, it’s you and you have the ultimate power to change it all!
Not much else to say about that –
Except, for me and my realisation — I am so stoked that I don’t do that shit anymore and only do what I love.
I am becoming more and more Steph and sharing my message, creating beautiful things, doing my art, extracting the YOU inside of you and designing the shit out of it as a brand that excites you and lights you up.
That is why I declaring that I am building a million dollar business in 2019 and nothing is going to stop me!